To, co zawsze powtarzam i będę powtarzał do znudzenia, to fakt, że toksyczność jest pojęciem nieostrym. Jeżeli chodzi o ludzką psychikę i relacje, to większość zjawisk właśnie taka jest. Pojęcie “nieostre”, to nic innego, jak to, że można tak dostosować opis zjawiska, że wiele objawów będzie właśnie pasować. Prawo definicji, czyli nic innego, jak to, że czasem, coś Ci dolega i sprawdzasz u wujka Google, co to może być i nagle stwierdzasz, że masz wszystkie choroby świata. Nie każdy związek, które przechodzi kryzys, ma gorszy czas jest od razu toksyczny. Niestety wiele osób lubi przypinać sobie takie łatki. Trochę z niewiedzy, a trochę, bo to wygodne…
W skrócie toksyczność sprawia, że tracisz poczucie własnej wartości, zaczynasz czuć się coraz gorzej w jakiejś relacji, dochodzi szereg lęków, a nawet problemy ze zdrowiem. Kiedyś o tym pisałem. Dzisiaj będzie o czymś innym.
Jest bardzo dużo osób, które pomimo narastającego cierpienia, nie decyduje się na rozstanie. Wbrew pozorom do cierpienia można się przyzwyczaić i zacząć traktować je jako normę…
Drogi są dwie. Akceptujesz i nic z tym nie robisz lub zbierasz sił, żeby coś zmienić.
Lęk przed odejściem towarzyszy zarówno kobietom, jak i mężczyznom.
Kiedy patrzę i słucham o relacjach, a zdarza mi się to prawie codziennie, to rzuca mi się w oczy brak równowagi. To znaczy, że ludzie nie zawsze stawiają w związku na wzajemność. Jedna strona daje więcej, druga strona daje mniej. Jedna czuje się wykorzystana, druga żyje w przeświadczeniu, że zasługuje na wszystko. I tutaj pojawia się pytanie, dlaczego dalej są razem. Otóż z każdej relacji zdarzają się gorsze dni, ale są też dni, miesiące, kiedy jest po prostu zajebiście. I właśnie mnóstwo osób żyje dla tych dobrych chwil. Potrafią zagryzać zęby miesiącami, bo mają w pamięci dobre chwile i nadal liczą, że one się jeszcze wydarzą. Kiedyś też tak żyłem. Od dobrej chwili do dobrej chwili, a czas pomiędzy, to był czas zaciśniętych zębów i poobijanego poczucia własnej wartości.
Inny sprawa to zaburzona wiara w siebie. I nie chodzi tutaj tylko o kobiety, ale o mężczyzn też. Jeżeli żyjesz w przeświadczeniu, że nie zasługujesz na nikogo lepszego, bo nie jesteś wartościowym człowiek, jeżeli druga osoba tylko podsyca w Tobie taką wizję, owijając Cię coraz bardziej wokół swojego palca, to nie odchodzi, bo masz w głowie lęk, że nie poznasz już nikogo i będzie żyć w narastającej samotności. Polecam popracować na pewnością siebie. To dużo daje, to pozwala odzyskać siłę i zrozumieć, że zasługujesz na radość w życiu.
Bardzo ciężko jest cokolwiek zmienić, kiedy nie masz wokół kogoś, kto poda Ci rękę. Toksyczne osoby uwielbiają izolować, ograniczać Twoje kontakty z bliskimi i przyjaciółmi do zera, bo wtedy tracisz perspektywę i możliwość spojrzenia na swój związek, oczami osób trzecich. Chcesz się wyrwać ok, ale znajdź kogoś, kto Ci w tym pomoże i utwierdzi, że to dla Twojego dobra.
Ważną rolę mają wzorce z dzieciństwa. Dlatego tak dużo się słyszy, że to, co było w dzieciństwie wymaga przepracowania. Ja też tak uważam. Jeżeli masz wzorce, czy też wdrukowania, które pokazują, że cierpienie jest wpisane w relacje, to buduje swoje związki na podobnych schemacie. Nie ma reguły, czy jest to wzorzec męża poniżanego przez żonę, czy żony terroryzowanej przez agresywnego partnera. Jeżeli, jako mały człowiek dorastasz w takim środowisku, to traktujesz takie zachowania jak co oczywistego, a potem przenosisz to do swojego dorosłego życia.
Sprawy finansowe mają także istotne znaczenie. Często, tutaj sprawa dotyczy kobiet, ale mogę się mylić, toksyk odcina je od pieniędzy i możliwości ich zarobienia. To skutkuje tym, że uzależnienie finansowe powoduje, że lęk przed odejściem wiąże się z tym, jak sobie poradzić w nowej sytuacji. Małe kroki. Rozmawiałem kiedyś z kobietą, która była właśnie tak uzależniona od partnera. Dała radę. Założyła własne konto, o którym nie wiedział mąż, poszła do pracy. Każdego dnia robiła małe kroki w stronę uwolnienia i zapewnienia sobie nowego startu. Udało się.
Jest jeszcze moja “ulubiona” technika zatrzymywania kogoś przy sobie. Toksyczne i ociekające jadem “bez Ciebie sobie nie poradzę, nie możesz mnie teraz zostawić w takiej sytuacji”… Wirtuozeria gry na emocjach. Ja rozumiem, że ktoś może mieć problemy ze sobą, zdarzają się choroby, uzależnienia, cokolwiek i jeżeli wyjdę teraz na skurwysyna, to trudno, mam pełną świadomość znaczenia tego, co teraz piszę… Nie daj się omamić tym, że ktoś próbuje Cię zatrzymać wizją tego, że świat się zawali jak się rozstaniecie. Sorry, jesteśmy dorośli i powinniśmy w dużej mierze swoje problemy rozwiązywać sami. Zostając, a raczej dając się złapać na taką emocjonalną przynętę pogrążysz się jeszcze bardziej dla kogoś, kto ma Cię gdzieś i tylko chce utrzymać Cię za wszelką cenę w swojej złotej klatce.
Powyżej napisałem “ulubiona”? Sorry! Teraz będzie perełka. “Co ludzie powiedzą”. Jakże wiele “szczęśliwych” związków trwa tylko w obawie przed tym, że rodzice będą źli, sąsiedzi będą plotkować, w rodzinie nigdy nie było rozwodów, dzieci musza mieć rodziców. Litania wymówek. Może jestem cyniczny, ale posłuchaj, nie tylko usłysz, ale posłuchaj. To, co ludzie powiedzą warto mieć w dupie. Rodzice powinni żyć swoim życiem, a nie układać życia dzieciom. Plotki, plotkują na nasz temat każdego dnia, jedna plotka więcej nie robi różnicy. Nie było rozwodów. Zajebiście. Przecierasz szlaki. Co z dziećmi. Otóż mój zaprzyjaźniony psycholog zawsze podkreśla, że dzieci wychowywane w związkach “na siłę” cierpią bardziej i dostają złe wzorce. Naprawdę lepiej stworzyć im pełną miłość przestrzeń w pojedynkę, gdzie rodzice nie skaczą sobie do gardeł niż karmić je złudzenia i robić sieczkę z mózgu. Dygresja. Mózg ludzki rozwija się do 26 roku życia. Podobno. Wtedy chłonie najwięcej.
Mógłbym tutaj jeszcze wspomnieć o jawnych najazdach przepełnionych agresją, kiedy już podejmiesz decyzję. To również typowe zachowanie, które cechuje takie “kochające się” pary. Za tym zazwyczaj idzie obietnica zniszczenia życia i cała gama różnorakich gróźb.
Podsumowując. Masz wybór. Zawsze. Wszystko zależy od tego, co z tym zrobisz. Ja wiem, że łatwo nie jest. Ja wiem, że po tym się strasznie długo zbiera. Ja wiem, że czasem ciężko podjąć decyzję.
Jednak to jest Twoje życie i zasługujesz na to, co najlepsze.
A teraz, jeśli podobają Ci się moje teksty, to możesz wesprzeć moją twórczość. To wiele dla mnie znaczy…
Kliknij i postaw mi wirtualną kawę!
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cześć, jestem Jennifer Willie. Chcę szybko podzielić się z Tobą moimi doświadczeniami. kilka dni temu znalazłam w Internecie świetnego rzucającego zaklęcia, doktora White’a, kiedy desperacko potrzebowałam mojego byłego chłopaka po 3 tygodniach zerwania. Zostawił mnie dla innej kobiety. To wydarzyło się tak szybko, że nie miałem nic do powiedzenia w tej sytuacji. Zostawił mnie po 3 latach bez żadnego wyjaśnienia. Kontaktuję się z doktorem Whitem poprzez jego kontakt, a on powiedział mi, co muszę zrobić, zanim będzie mógł mi pomóc, i zrobiłem tak, jak mi powiedział, po tym, jak postępowałem zgodnie z jego instrukcjami, rzucił zaklęcie miłosne, które pomogło nam wrócić do siebie, i powiedział mi, że skontaktuje się ze mną w ciągu 48 godzin, dokładnie 48 godzin później mój chłopak znowu zaczął do mnie pisać i czuł się okropnie z powodu tego, przez co mnie przeszedł. Powiedział, że jestem najważniejszą osobą w jego życiu i teraz o tym wie. Zamieszkaliśmy razem, był dla mnie bardziej otwarty niż wcześniej i zaczął spędzać ze mną więcej czasu niż wcześniej. Odkąd doktor White mi pomógł, mój partner jest bardzo stabilny, wierny i bliższy mi niż wcześniej. Gorąco polecam doktora White’a każdemu, kto potrzebuje pomocy. E-mail: whitelordspell@gmail.com
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